New Version of the Serenity Prayer

I know - 2 posts in one day?! Amazing!!! I stumbled across this and it's now going to be posted all over my house. Love it!

God grant me the serenity

To make good food choices;

Courage to turn away from baked goods;

And energy to exercise daily.

Living healthy one day at a time;

Enjoying my journey;

Accepting that the road to wellness can be hard;

Taking the tools of better eating out into the world

As I should, free from the bad habits of the past;

Trusting that making wise decisions today will pay off tomorrow;

If I surrender to my will

I will not beat myself up in this life and the next

But I will remember that this is a life long journey;

A journey that is well worth every pound lost.

A Day Late - weigh in

One thing I have managed to stay consistent in is my weekly Monday weigh in's (the only thing, actually). I forgot to post it yesterday though. I was down a half of a pound. Do you think the phrase "slow and steady wins the race" is actually true? I sure hope so.

I needed some new jeans for my upcoming vacation and so I went to the Rack on my lunch break. I am happy to report that I bought 2 pair of jeans - both a SIZE SMALLER than what I used to wear!!! WOO HOO!!!

I know this mentality doesn't make sense but I have been beating myself up day and night about not being 100% committed lately. I so desire to get back to giving it 100% but I can't seem to find the willpower. When I do find it, I am great all day or all week, then lose it that evening or by the weekend. Makes me feel like a loser - and not the good kind either. It's especially bad because all of a sudden Pete's weight loss is really showing. EVERYONE is commenting on it and raving over him. I am raving, too, because I am truly proud of him and I know he's healthier (and hotter, too). I just get sad because no one is saying those things about me and I feel like they are saying in their heads (he's lost all this weight - why hasn't his fat wife lost hers). Sad, huh. And embarassing! The worst part is, I only have myself to blame - because let's be honest here - I have NOT been giving it 100%. Had I been giving it 100%, I know people would be raving about me, too. You'd think that having this feeling would motivate me - but it actually only makes me want to wallow in self pity while choking down some Mickey D's. UGH UGH UGH!

I did just manage to find some new blogs that really speak to me. I've found other women in Massachussets, Melbourne, and the UK - all of which are struggling just like me. It's nice to know I am not alone.

Hopefully you will be seeing more of me here and less of me in person.... that is my goal......

Monday Weigh In

My blog posts may have dwindled but we've still been weighing in EVERY Monday. This morning - I am down 2 pounds!!!! I have finally taken off the 5 pounds I put on when I went to Vegas. This is a LONG, HARD journey - but I'm taking it 1 day at a time. I WILL get there. I WILL.

I am not sure of Pete's weigh in today but yesterday we had to go buy him some new work pants. We bought 34X30's which is a huge deal because at one time he was actually in 42X30's. He's come a long way and I am so proud. There are times I wish my job was as physical as his so my pounds would fly off, too. Sitting at a desk all day doesn't do anyone any good. But, I do have that trusty gym membership and will be continuing to put it to use. I love how I am actually able to flex and see my bicep muscles now ;)

Update

I wanted to title this post "long time no talk" - but that definitely wouldn't work seeing that I've done that a few times already. Many of you have come to me asking why I haven't been posting. To be quite honest, I haven't had the mental capacity lately and my heart isn't all there for it. BUT - if you ask me, that's just an excuse. So, here I sit telling you (again) that I am going to try harder this week to make this blog more of a priority. I am also going to try to not let things I can't control get to me and take my focus away.

Speaking of focus, I got this book from the library yesterday called "shrink yourself". I happened upon it by chance. It is written by a famous psychologist and he talks about the devastating effects of emotional eating and how to break those bonds. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Last but not least - the weekly update. I am up one pound (just confirmation of my struggles) and Pete is down 2.5 pounds. I think his total lost since January is somewhere around 25 to 30 pounds which makes me so proud. Not to mention - he's getting hotter by the day! He has been my rock and what has kept me somewhat on track. With all the chaos and stress at work all I've wanted to do is come home and eat my way to relaxation and happiness. Thank God he hasn't let that happen. I'm so blessed to have him as my partner in getting healthy.

I just want to thank all of the regular readers of this blog who stay with me even when my posts lag. You stopping me in the hall or calling or emailing to ask why I am not making posts on a regular basis really does help hold me accountable and keep me on track. I kind of feel that old saying "it takes a village to raise a child" is playing out here. Only this time it is "it takes a village to help this girl reach her goals". And a lot of time & patience! I am truly appreciative of everyone's help and support.

Hey There!

Long time no talk, AGAIN! I want to say I've missed blogging, but it isn't entirely true. I think that is because I've been struggling lately with the Eating Clean lifestyle. Come to think of it, I do miss blogging - but what I REALLY miss is having stuff to blog about. When I first started in January - I felt like every post came easy and flew onto the screen. I couldn't wait to make my next post. Now, blogging feels a lot harder. I am not kidding myself - I know it is because of my current situation and mindset. I do like the fact that many people have mentioned to me that they've been looking for blog updates and are disappointed to see that I have not been posting. That's a nice feeling in one way - yet I feel like I am letting the blog readers down, too.

There are many things contributing to this "off the bandwagon" ordeal that I am going through. The major issue is stress. There are a few areas of my life - and my personal home life is NOT one - where I feel immense amounts of stress and depression. I just feel like most days I have been in a pressure cooker all day long. Escaping the madness has been tough and I find myself turning to my old habits for comfort. Not a good thing. Pete's been doing a great job at not letting me give in at home (no pizza, no fast food, no dairy queen) - Thank Goodness.

I have also been struggling because we have not been planning ahead as well. I bought all of the same healthy items at the store but noticed a few days out of the week I "forgot" to pack them. We haven't been grilling up large amounts of chicken either, which was once my main easy staple.

My best friend is coming to visit in July. I have a goal to be 15 - 20 pounds lighter by then. I REALLY REALLY want to get there. Some days I just feel helpless in actually obtaining it. I was so depressed about it a few days ago that I told Pete maybe I should find an eater's 12 step program. He just looked at me like I was insane. For now, I am going to skim through the two books that got me excited in the first place in hopes that my spirit and enthusiasm will be renewed. I am also going to pack my lunches religiously next week.

One positive item of note: I still lost 2 pounds last week. Pete's lost a few more -  his pants are falling off of him now. We're headed to our Group Weightlifting class tonight - I love it! Just gotta get my eating under control again.

Maybe I should take a note from these guys:

Workout Update

Since one of my goals this week is to work out 3 times - I decided to track my workouts here. Pete and I went to our usual weightlifting class last night - OUCH! Afterwards we ran over half a mile (which is tough when your legs already feel like jello). Thursday is that class again. I may do a cardio kickboxing class between now and then. One down, 2 more to go. YES!!

Oh, and I weighed myself again today - looks like I already lost those 2 pounds from this week's weigh in. I have resolved not to weigh anymore until next Monday. We'll see......

Off the Wagon Confessional

Yep, as most of you guys may have guessed, I briefly fell off the Eating Clean wagon. :(  It started about 2 weeks ago when I had a two day offsite meeting at work. The organizer (thanks Molly!) did a really great job at having healthy foods available but I began to splurge a little (a 2 bite brownie, diet coke, etc). Then, at the end of that week I had to fly to Vegas for a funeral. I got off the plane and went straight to In N Out burger. I ate pretty well the rest of that day and the next morning I had egg whites and fruit for breakfast. The hard part was sticking to eating every few hours and I definitely didn't get my water in. Who wants to have to go to the bathroom numerous times on an airline flight?! Not me! My friend Janelle and I went to a 5 star meal at a fancy French restaurant on Saturday night which really put me over the edge.

Once I got back, I had no desire to eat clean. Once again, all I wanted was junk - I felt like I was on a binge. McDonald's burrito for breakfast one day, pizza and m exican food for lunch a few days, definitely not enough water. UGH!!! How quickly I can get out of control. I even had some chocolate a few days at work. I don't know what it is - once I slide off track, it is a slippery downhill slope for me.

This weekend we went to the coast for a mini vacation. Pete advised me that Westport has a small donut shop and they're the best donuts in the WORLD!!! So, we had that for breakfast on Sunday. Then, on the drive home we had hot dogs. Dinner was Thai food. Needless to say, after a month of strict eating clean, our bodies were in full rejection mode. NOT FUN!!!

We both resolved that that binge is over and we have to get back on track. This morning's weigh in just reinforces that fact. In the past 2 weeks - I am UP 5 pounds. Do you know how hard it was for me to lose 5 pounds in the first place? I am so mad at myself! But, the good news is, I know that once I get back on track, those pounds will go away along with some more. Agh - the up's and down's of getting healthy.

I seem to do better when I set goals for myself (duh!). So, this week's goal is to work out 3 times this week, eat clean every day, get my water in, and blog 3 times this week. Did you notice how my blogging tapered off as I fell off the bandwagon, yeah, that's no coincidence.

I will be talking to you soon and keeping you posted.