Psychology lessons

It's a funny thing, this blog. I started it as a journal to document what I knew would be a tough journey to get healthy and fit (afterall, this has been a lifelong struggle). I also know how much certain people/stories have inspired me just by hearing about their struggles and successes. I have a hope that this blog will do that for people. If one person feels like there is someone out there in the same boat that can relate to them and that they can gain an ounce of inspiration from, it's all worth it. The last reason I wanted to have the blog is for accountability. How could I ever write about all the clean foods I am preparing, the work outs, etc if I turn around and know that someone following the blog sees me eating junk, etc. That's my favorite part, actually. It's almost as though I know people are watching me and I don't want to let them down. I like having that hanging over my head. Keeps me honest ;)

When I started this journey a couple of weeks ago, I hadn't given any thought about the psychology behind MY eating. I had read Chantel's view's on why she over ate and I could totally relate but that was the extent of it. One day I was talking to a co-worker about all this and we both felt like eating was a social thing for us which made it hard. You know the routine - a friend calls you haven't seen in a while or it's a special occasion like a birthday. The first thing I always thing of "yes - let's get together - we can meet for lunch, we can meet for dinner, HEY - better yet, I'll throw a dinner party. Who doesn't like that?! Well, even during and after that conversation, the lightbulb hadn't gone completely off.

Last night I was driving home and talking to Pete and he was telling me how he was down and had a super stressful day. I hung up with him and immediately this thought popped into my head "oh man, I feel so bad for him. Wait, I know, I will swing by Coldstone on my way home and pick us up some ice cream. That'll cheer him up and I'll feel good for cheering him up. I'll also feel good because I love ice cream. I will get the smallest size of the reduced fat version - that won't conflict too bad with the eating clean". By this time, I was about 3 blocks before the turn for Coldstone. Thank goodness my willpower kicked in and I knew THAT was the worst idea EVER. A week and a half with no sugar, no sugar substitutes, and NO more craving sugar. The last thing I needed was to eat some sugar because I know myself and where that'll lead. I will be back to craving sweets and letting that take over my brain. I am happy to say I drove right past and felt a huge sense of accomplishment.

At that very moment, the lightbulb FINALLY went off and everything clicked. I am going to call it my "ah-hah" moment. I finally realized that I am an "eat-through-your-emotions" type gal. I think I was in denial before. Real denial - like, I really did NOT see it before. Scary. Come to think of it, I like to celebrate every high point in our life with meals out. Rich, thick, heavy meals. Apparently, I like to cheer people up with food, too. I am sure that includes myself when I have a bad day or feel stressed. I can't say I even know what to do about it yet. I do know that at least now I can see it, and I have the power over my feelings to not give in and feed them with food. I am going to work on finding a new way to cope. For now though, I will just put the pedal to the metal and speed by as quick as I can before I have the chance to give in.

It's funny how much psychology is tied in with eating, nutrition, fitness, etc. This blog has forced me to actually THINK about every little thing, sometimes to the point of over analyzing. That's okay because that's going to get me where I need to go.

Two last tid bits (dang, this blog went loooong): One, I found some M&M's and Pete will attest to the fact that I've mentioned a few times that I should have just a couple. Thankfully I haven't - but I did want you to know that it is still a real struggle I cope with daily. They announced a little celebration at work tomorrow. The first thing I thought of was "I should just leave early - I can't struggle with trying to eat clean when bad food will be there". Well, looks like it's my lucky day - they are going to have chicken skewers and fruit kabobs. I love those skinny little healthy elves who are making good choices at work. I'm very grateful!

Second tidbit (after yet another looong paragraph) - We have this really great, shiny, new community center in Federal Way that the family checked out last weekend. It has a few indoor pools, lazy river, game room, fitness area, group classes, basketball courts, etc. It's a little pricey so Pete and I agreed that we would wait until he got a job to join and amp up our fitness. Low and behold, he got a job today!!! Looks like our fitness level is going to dramatically increase next week - which, surprisingly, I am really excited about. I can't wait to see where fitness paired with clean eating will take my body & mind.

What a journey!

Until next time my friends.......